By Susan Temple, MA, BCC, ACEP
Maybe you are feeling a sense of heaviness right now. I know I am. It’s a challenging time of year for many, with the darkness and the cold. Events in the world seem ever more chaotic and frightening. So, what do you need right now?
We hear a lot about self-care, and if you spend any time on social media, it can seem that self-care means dermaplaning your face, having your nails done, and getting a Brazilian blowout (what is that anyway?). There is nothing wrong with taking care of your body or making yourself feel beautiful in the ways that work for you. But the self-care that can make a real difference in your level of contentment in life is something deeper.
Deep self-care involves slowing down, maybe even sitting down, and just being with your thoughts and feelings. Allowing what is true for you right now to come to the surface. Asking yourself, “What do you need right now?”
Here are some other practices that can help you practice deep self-care:
Practice noticing how you feel under different circumstances. How do you feel if you spend 20 minutes scrolling Instagram? How do you feel when you spend time with certain people? How do you feel if you spend a lot of time alone? The answers will be unique to you. When I first began living alone after my divorce, I discovered that if I went more than three days without in-person contact with people I care about, I started to feel depressed. So, I set up my life to make sure I saw people regularly. Other people might thrive with lots of alone time, so they might need to create that in their life.
Practice acknowledging yourself daily. Use a journal to write down three things every day that you’d like to acknowledge yourself for. Acknowledge yourself for any baby step forward, for any self-care, for anything you’ve done or even thought that leans toward life and health and hope. When I first started regularly exercising, I felt overwhelmed at the prospect. So, I told myself that I’d go the Y and ride the recumbent bike for five minutes three times a week, and call it a win. I wrote it on my calendar and in my acknowledgment journal every time I did it. That five minutes slowly got longer and longer, and soon I had a habit going.
Practice asking for help. This can be a hard one for many people. We want to be independent, we don’t want to be a burden, we want to show that we can handle things. But remember how good it feels to help and support someone you love? Give that gift to others. Let them help you.
Practice consciously choosing activities that nourish you. I don’t mean that you have to schedule every day with perfection. Just practice choosing one activity a week that you know will feed your soul and make you feel better. Maybe it’s seeing a certain someone, maybe it’s listening to music, or moving your body, or making art, or playing a sport, or sitting in a cozy coffee shop and dreaming.
And that guilt about taking care of yourself while others are suffering? Let it go. You are no good to anyone if you don’t take care of yourself. Take care of yourself, and you can be one of the helpers.